As the water rises & falls your eye is drawn to anything breaking the surface. Many times I've stepped off the prom & gone to the water's edge only to find it's just seaweed attached to the huge round side struts.You feel silly. You learn to quieten your gut instinct.And just switch off.
Being on your own at that time is very peaceful, calm, safe...dog walkers/runners are no threat but men on their own deserve your attention, just in the sense of always being exactly aware of where they are so they can't grab you around a corner or pull you into a shelter.
I'd only been on the prom a few minutes, when about 10-15 beaches away I noticed a lone man, climbing down onto a beach, walking near the groyne at the water's edge then reappearing on the prom & walking away from me towards the loos.
I was getting nearer & as I watched him disappear round the corner, I saw what appeared to be a black photographer's rucksack against the groyne but safely above the high water mark.About 5-7meters into the water maybe 1.5 to 2metres from the groyne was something breaking the surface in a seaweedy groyne sort of way. Still had my old lenses in! But the environmental oddity was both the abandoned bag & the man who'd disappeared from view. I drew level with beach #6 Hollywell & he re-appeared walking towards me. I carried on getting nearer. So as the brain does, mine figured man walking away, man walking back, abandoned bag = man/photographer returning from loo /to collect bag.
As we got close, I pointed behind me , " that your bag on the beach ?"
"No, there's a body in the water" he replied.
"A body ? Oh is that what caught my eye ? ~ then I saw the bag & you walking off & just thought that was seaweed, I was concentrating on you & the bag..."
"Can I use your phone,I didnt bring mine & I have to get back to work ?"
"oh shit I didnt bring mine either, look hang on , there's a call box up the hill, WAIT HERE, I'll go & get the police. ~ Please wait , I'll be a few mins."
Heart racing, breathless, full of adrenaline, confused I started to make my way up the very steep hill. The call box half way up was gone...shit . So I kept going, all the way to the top ...it's a very steep climb ,no phones in sight. No traffic. What now?
After a minute or so a car appeared, I tried waving but it turned off. I started looking at houses I could knock on, found two but no one answered, but it was about 0545 by now.I went back to the road, eventually a van came down the road & turned into the school. So I set off after it. The guy was unloading & I asked if he had a phone so we could call the police because there was a body in the sea...."no sorry I dont have a phone" he replied.
"ok, but when you get to your next place, as soon as you are near a phone , please call 999 & tell them there's a body....I need to get back down there to keep people away"
So I turned & headed back down towards the beach, heart still pounding, but relieved I'd shared the burden of my knowledge, just as I reached the top of the hill, the van appeared again. He called out , "here use this " and passed a phone down to me. Too flustered to recall the local number I dialed 999....
"Police please,
Hi, look, sorry to disturb you but i'm standing at the top of the hill opposite King Edwards Parade, (had to borrow a phone) & i'm calling because there's a body in the water, beach number 6 , Hollywell, that's the beach just by the flag poles~and there's a black rucksack just above high water"
No i'm not sure if it's m/f as it was a few metres off shore, it was the first guy who got nearer. Look, i'm going straight back down there now, & no matter how long you take, I will stay there & try & keep people away until you arrive" I handed the phone back to the van driver.
a= bag
b= original body location
c= final body location at 0600am
By now the enormity of what I was dealing with started to hit me, I went as fast as I could back down the hill to apologise to the guy I'd left there....he was gone and nothing prepared me for the new situation.
The body that I'd not seen clearly before was now unmistakable as anything else. It was in the centre of the beach, parallel to the water which was now at high tide.As the water ebbed & flowed the body had its face downwards,then each time the water dropped, the face turned to look up the beach straight at me. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. A weird sense of calm fell over the place. There was me at the prom railing maybe 7-10metres away(daring not to step onto the beach so as not to contaminate the scene or these days wary of entering the nightmare of getting falsely accused) OMG, I am on my own on a deserted seafront at now about 6am , with a dead body.Thank god I knew the police were on their way.
He was from what I could see, largish build, dark trousers, dark top with a bright blue checked shirt underneath. His skin was the colour of candle wax. I was furious the other guy had disappeared, but I felt a really strong protective instinct at the same time as utter helplessness.
All my years as a lifeguard & trained first aider and I hadn't swam out to bring him to shore...I hadn't tried CPR. BUT ....then I wasn't first on scene, I was told "BODY" not "man in trouble etc" also replaying it I knew I could see the beach for enough minutes outside of 5+mins as I approached ~ My stopwatch at certain points for that route, tells me in black & white how long that area, especially the groyne top, would have been in view. I've been back to check & I made immediate notes.
I didn't see the guy collapse.
I didn't see him on the groyne & fall in
Whatever happened, had NOT happened within the time frame, to make it possible to revive anyone. (Warm water in July reduces that further)Reviving people from drowning is rare even when circumstances are perfect.
However, for me i'm not sure whether knowing I couldn't have made a difference, even if I'd tried is enough. Or the thought that if I had swum out, turned him over & attempted CPR, only to then realise he had been dead sometime, ~how traumatised I'd have been by the taste, feel, smell, thought etc ...Guilt versus real trauma.
As I waited for the police I was trying to piece it together,
Was he a photographer? In which case the best shots from there would be around 0445, but his bag was in the right place.
Did he slip from the groyne ?
Was he on the beach before high tide, maybe overnight, did he collapse on the sand hours before & only now has been washed up ?
Or was it suicide ?
Was his bag there in view to "mark the spot"?
Did he fill up on pills & alcohol & walk into the water?
Did he take them & fall unconscious by the groyne, below high water....
Fleetingly, dark thought cross your mind. It seemed simple, easy, straightforward ~ but too easy. I'm still ambivalent about this aspect of its affect on me. Doing my own family history, back 200yrs, so far I haven't found any suicides, but I'm sure I will. I'm not sure this incident has helped me know how I'll deal with it.
Eventually the police arrived, 3 cars & 2 ambulances. I guess they were expecting him to still be in the water & for safety needed extra cover. One stayed with me & took all the details, another officer went to the water's edge, put his gloves on, rolled the body over & pulled it perpendicular to the water. He put plasticuffs around the wrists & spoke into the radio. One of them went over to the rucksack & had a quick look.
I left about 0615am, just as more people were starting to appear on the prom for their walks.On my way home, I wondered what the next hours would bring. How long before it hit the news. Would it be all over the papers, would I have people hassling me, asking "why didn't you do ...x/y/z"Would there be a witch hunt. Would I have to give evidence at the inquest. How could I contact his family to reassure/explain to them why I did/didn't do certain things.
So I made notes, wrote down my stopwatch times in preparation.
Today is the one year anniversary, I know no more today than I knew this time last year.No one from the Coroner's office, nor Sussex Police has been in touch, no one asked if I was upset or needed victim support. Yet I understand every Police officer/Ambulance who attend a body get something like a £150 payment, in recognition of the trauma involved. I suffered no loss, but I have suffered guilt made worse by the unknown. The whole incident was never on the news & did not make the paper, yet others before & after did.In many ways, I'm extremely grateful.
But... It is very odd, as if it never happened. Having texted my family as soon as I got home, just in case it was on the news, I then felt like an idiot, like they'd think I was making it up.The authorities through design or incompetence can pretend it never happened. They can hush up that on beach #6 Hollywell, in peak season, just before Airbourne there was a body smack bang in the middle of a popular tourist beach, but I, for the rest of my life will NEVER FORGET.
Early this morning, I returned to the scene (I've been back a few times since & I always say sorry that I couldn't save him, sorry I wasn't there earlier...)in the vain hope there may be flowers or a note nearby that might give me some clue as to who he was & why he died...there was nothing. I'll try again tomorrow. I'll buy the papers this week & next in case there's a memorial message, at least then I can get the certificate & find out. As far as I know there hasn't been an inquest.
Members of the public who assist the police in these type of incidents need closure too.
